Caring for your elderly parents

Islam is a complete way of life. It teaches us how to live in society, how to maintain positive interpersonal relationships, and how to care for our families. Allah has commanded children to take care of their parents in the same manner that He has given parents responsibility for their children. Islam places a strong emphasis on treating parents with kindness, respect, and tolerance.

“If either or both of them reach old age, say not to them (so much as) ‘uff’ nor chide them, and speak to them with generous words, and make yourself submissively gentle to them with compassion and say: My Lord, have mercy on them, for they did care for me when I was little.” [Surat Al-Isra: 23-4].

Taking care of parents is a lovely opportunity to be rewarded. This enormous reward, however, also comes with its own challenges. What adds to this challenge is when your parents are difficult, critical, and unappreciative. Many of my clients carry a lot of negative emotions as a result of painful treatment they have endured from their parents. 

As a Muslim child who is aware of his or her responsibility for caring for ageing parents, there needs to be a delicate balance between carrying out your obligations and ensuring your own wellbeing. Holding on to these negative feelings and the sense of being undervalued can cause burnout, which sows the seeds of resentment and heightens stress. It is essential to learn how to manage your negative emotions while still maintaining a positive relationship with your parents in order to maintain your wellbeing.